Originally published: Wilmington, NC : Coastal Carolina Press, 2000.

Part 1 At Home -- A Mom Looks at Forty -- Happy-Meal Hostage -- Fifties Home Economics Advice -- Home-Depot Blues -- Mama Celia's Marriage Tips -- Lady Viagra -- If He's So Sick, Why Am I So Tired? -- Revenge of the Amish Friendship Bread -- Total Woman This -- Lazy Men -- A Caveman Weekend -- Fighting Still Bad for Relationships -- Fad Diets-Great 'Til You Explode -- High School Reunion -- Fleeing Floyd -- Big Fake Breasts -- When Did Redbook Get Trashy? -- Working at Home-Sort Of -- House Painting: "If You Want It Done Right" -- I Can Quit Anytime I Like -- Cat Toothbrushing or Me-oww!! -- Box Queen -- Time to Reclaim My Funny Skin? -- Part 2 South -- Bless Your Heart, Tramp -- Where Men Are Men-and Sometimes Women -- That's Mizzeriz to You, Kiddo! -- Southerners vs. Snow -- Southern Measurements: A Dab or a Teense? -- Liddy Dole Doesn't Snort -- Hurricane Forecasting for Fun and Hysteria -- Lard Is Good, Lard Is Great -- Tales of the Redneck Woman -- Grits Gonna Rise Again -- This Beer Was Made for Wearin' -- Bridal Moms from Hell -- Obituary Madness -- Dear Losers: A Christmas Letter from Myra Sue -- Carlos and Ruby -- Part 3 And Everywhere Else -- Fake Dog Testicles -- Mozart Means Absolutely Nuthin' -- How to Marry a Multimillionaire (Doofus) -- ATM Silliness Revealed -- Mars Lander Woes -- Fools for Fashion -- I've Scanned, So Where's My Check? -- Tofu Shrinks Your Brain -- Designer Kitty Litter -- Clams, Flying, Batman, and Me -- Card Shopping for My Gay Friend's Dog -- Congestion in the Cold Aisle -- Fun with Realtors -- Home-shopping Blues -- Drowning in the Jury Pool -- Stupid Bumper Stickers -- Wrestlemania -- Who's Hinckley Gonna Visit? -- A History Quiz for Our Young -- Subarus and Lesbians -- Commercial Appeal? -- Barbie the Telemarketer -- Negativity in the Workplace -- Calling Mom from the Train Tracks -- Al Gore in Campaign 2000: Too Sexy for Himself? -- Fashion Takes a Holiday -- Is That a Penis in the Petunias?.