Includes index.

1. Children of the Night: Who are these Emotional Vampires? 1 -- 2. Maturity and Mental Health: If Emotional Vampires are children, what does it take to be a grown-up? 11 -- 3. Way of Vampires: How Emotional Vampires are different, and more dangerous than other annoying people 17 -- 4. Dark Powers: Emotional Vampires use hypnosis. Here's how to keep them from making you think you're a chicken 23 -- Part 1 Antisocial Types: Lovable Rogues 33 -- Ferrari-Toyota Dilemma 35 -- How to Recognize an Antisocial Vampire 36 -- Antisocial Emotional Vampire Checklist: Listening to the Call of the Wild 37 -- 5. Vampire Daredevils: Sexy, thrilling, and definitely bad for your health 41 -- 6. Vampire Used Car Salesmen: Slicker than cheap polyester, so always remember to read the fine print 53 -- 7. Vampire Bullies: Big, scary, powerful, and stupid as the guys who used to take lunch money 69 -- Therapy for Antisocial Vampires 84 -- Part 2 Histrionic Types: Show Business, Vampire Style 87 -- What's It Like to Be Histrionic 89 -- Histrionic Dilemma 90 -- Histrionic Vampire Checklist: Living a Soap Opera 90 -- 8. Vampires Who Ham It Up: Whether it's sex, sickness, or secrets of success, there's only one show business 95 -- 9. Passive-Aggressive Vampires: Deliver us from ghoulies and ghosties and people who are only trying to help 109 -- Therapy for Histrionic Vampires 126 -- Part 3 Narcissistic Types: Big Egos, Small Everywhere Else 129 -- What It's Like to Be Narcissistic 131 -- Narcissistic Dilemma 131 -- Narcissism and Self-Esteem 132 -- Narcissistic Vampire Checklist: Identifying the Smartest, Most Talented, All-Around Best Person in the World 133 -- 10. Vampires Who Are Legends in Their Own Minds: With talent like theirs, who needs performance? 139 -- 11. Vampire Superstars: You've got to love these guys! Worship them, actually 155 -- Therapy for Narcissistic Vampires 176 -- Part 4 Obsessive-Compulsive Types: Too Much of a Good Thing 179 -- What It's Like to Be Obsessive-Compulsive 181 -- How Much Is Too Much? 181 -- Punishment, Where Good and Evil Meet 182 -- Obsessive-Compulsive Vampire Checklist: Vice Masquerading as Virtue 183 -- 12. Vampire Perfectionists and Puritans: Can the undead be anal-retentive? 187 -- Therapy for Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires 204 -- Part 5 Paranoid Types: Seeing Things That Others Can't 207 -- Paranoid Purity 209 -- What It's Like to Be Paranoid 210 -- Narcissist-Paranoid Dilemma 211 -- Paranoid Emotional Vampire Checklist: Next Stop, the Twilight Zone 211 -- 13. Vampire Visionaries and Green-Eyed Monsters: Inspiration always involves blowing things out of proportion 215 -- Therapy for Paranoid Vampires 230 -- Sunrise at Carfax Abbey 233.